so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize