Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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