Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
