My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
