I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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