ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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