So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
