Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
