I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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