you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
