one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
