you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
