My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize