I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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