I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
