So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
