Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I smell like Dick and happiness
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
