just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
