when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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