you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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