I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize