I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
