there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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