I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
