I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
