If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My vagina is officially offended.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
