he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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