Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
