I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
