It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
