Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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