Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
