K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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