I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
