I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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