i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
