I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
