how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're like the curious george of whores
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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