You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
