his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
