Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
