I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
