I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
