Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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