so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
