someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
