Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
