Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
