the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
