just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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