Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
