Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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