my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
