I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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