So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
