One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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