we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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