Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
