No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
