also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
