did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
