He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
