I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
