I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
