i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
