apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
