If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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