Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am available for nakedness
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
